What if talk therapy isn't supposed to end because it's for women?
Women are Worriers and Men are Warriors?
What if the never-ending nature of (some, not all) talk therapy itself is actually intentional because women desire constant reassurance due to their hormonal makeup which arose in the context of them being much more physically vulnerable than men?
That’s the key question.
What do you think?
OK, here’s more context:
・74% of the members of the UK Council for Psychotherapy are female and 75% of the therapists in the United States are female.
・As this paper explains, “females and males can use different hormonal and neural mechanisms to respond to the same emotional event.”
・Men have 15 times the testosterone of women.
・Women have about 4 times the oxytocin of men.
・Women have 3-4x the estrogen (estradiol) of men.
・Men low in testosterone are likely to experience depressive symptoms.(S,S2) Many lines of research suggest testosterone is an anti-depressant.
・Women who experience lowered (or changes in) estrogen levels are more likely to develop depression.(S) Some research suggests estrogen itself can be an anti-depressant.
Due to these hormonal differences and their respective effects on behavior:
・Women in general are more likely to be more interested in communication for bonding; practical information gathering is a nice byproduct.
・Men in general are more likely to be more interested in communication for acquiring useful information; bonding is a nice byproduct.
To sum up a very very interesting book by Dr. Joyce Benenson:
The reason women are ‘worriers’ is because they have a problem that cannot be solved: Their nervous and endocrine systems were developed in the context of being dramatically more physically vulnerable than men. Further, their physiology was developed with the expectation that they will be caring for an infant which would be dramatically more vulnerable than the woman herself. Thus, the female system is prepared to generate an abundance of worry that is sufficient not only for her vulnerable self, but her much more vulnerable infant too.
That’s why the It’s Not About The Nail skit is so funny.
She doesn’t need the guy to give her advice on how to concretely solve this one particular problem, she needs reassurance in the form of sufficient attention to indicate that he is her ally.
There will always be problems.
One strategy to ‘solve’ the fact that there will always be problems is to have an ally who cares enough about you to always be there to help with them.
Read more here:
Men Need more Testosterone, not more Therapy
I recently interviewed Brandon Carter, also known as “King Keto” on Instagram. Brandon is a multi-millionaire who runs multiple businesses, mainly in the fitness space. I was interested in Brandon because while he has indeed been on a ketogenic diet for 8 years, much of his online content doesn’t focus on keto itself - keto is just a tool for him to stay productive.
Bad therapists take the place of husbands. Husbands are supposed to be the wives' shields from stress, as men are designed to be able to handle stress.
Attention and reassurance is a lot more expensive that it once was. C'est la vie.